A lot has changed since my last blog. I sold my townhouse, purchased a single family home, am in the process of remodeling said home and I am beginning anew after visiting family back east during the holidays. I smile as I think of my grandchildren, Kadin, Jacob and Lennox. They live their magnificence so beautifully and naturally. They are loved in ways I only could imagine for myself at that age. I feel so very thankful for them and the love that surrounds them.
My mother passed away several years ago, before I began painting silk scarves. I remember as a teenager feeling annoyed with her obsession with scarves and her incessant need for help in choosing the right one to wear with her outfit. I hated the clothes I wore, many were hand-me-downs and out of style. I never could understand why she would bother me with fashion questions when I obviously had none and it bugged me to have to mete out fashion advice.
My relationship with my mother was not the best when she died. Things that happened when I was growing up sputtered to the surface and gradually wore down tenuous ties between family members. During unexpected moments I regret that my mother and I never were able share my new found passion with silk scarves but it doesn’t stop me from imagining what it would have felt like to share a common interest and perhaps even to have established one small positive connection to her.
The transformation of relationships happens across time and distance. I’ve seen it in those with my children who live thousands of miles away and I feel it in my heart with my mother. It’s not about her, forgiveness or regret but about me finding resolution and peace within myself. I feel so very thankful for that.